It has been about a year since I last posted here and you can see a dramatic decrease over the year leading up to that post.
I struggled with having nothing to say.
I struggled with feeling completely lost as an artist.
I struggled with balancing a "real job" with a studio practice and all the things I love; writing, curating, talking with artists, interviewing...
A lot has happened and a lot has changed- I know not if anyone will even read this post.
But I find myself sitting in my studio, still not sure what I am doing, but finding a voice again. Feeling the desire to reach out and communicate again. To return to the community building that this blog once did for me along with all the other things I had to let go of.
So a few things to say:
I have found myself increasingly being pulled away from textiles- which is terrifying since my entire career is deeply rooted in textiles. But I am not trained as a textile artist, I fell into textiles as it made sense to me conceptually for many years for many works.
Now it does not.
I found myself asking "Why does this need to be stitched?" "Why is the drawing or photograph not enough?" I found myself with no answer. I found myself terrified.
This, truthfully, led me into a tailspin of uncertainty. Who am I if I am not the chick that makes those giant embroideries? Am I a photographer again even though I abandoned that idea so long ago? What the hell am I doing with a pencil in my hand?
It has been a giant struggle and I have not landed but I have started to accept and embrace that I am a different artist now and as always am trying to follow my instincts.
So I hope someone is still there. I hope there is community to still be a part of and help to create.
Posts
6 comments:
Still here.
Still interested.
K.
I'm still here too :)
It's your beautiful life; so glad you are following your instincts, (our world needs more of this, and less robotic mind-numbing fear-driven obedience to the status quo--not that you ever had that problem, but so many do). Good that you are sharing the uncertainty so to perhaps lessen the burden of it-- I am very excited for you!
Glad to hear from you; different or not :-) Hope you're journey continues. Keep looking up!
xoxoxo
Your post pulled on my heartstrings.
As an artist, myself, I can completely relate to what you seem to be going through. I had the same experience in the year after I finished my graduate degree. I had a specific set of materials and overall aesthetic that people related to me. It was my artistic identity. As I tried to break away from my old self and expand to be the new artist self, I found myself full of doubt, questions, ambivalence, fear, etc. I am slowly starting to re-emerge, To find my footing again.
A friend and mentor (who also works in textiles) assured me that this moment of indecision and internal reflection is part of the process of growing as an artist. Changing materials, questioning your use of them, makes you grow as a maker. Taking time off is extremely healthy for your creative soul
I only hope that my words offer you some solace. You are being heard. You are not alone.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you will find the energy and direction you are looking for.
Please continue to share what you can. You have been a tremendous inspiration to me.
LR
Thank you all for your comments.
Lorraine- Thank you for your story... Of course we know in reality we are not totally unique in our experiences and struggles.--- but it is easy alone in the studio and alone in ones head to think everyone else is fine, they totally know what they are doing. So it is indeed nice to know we all have times of this ambivalence.
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