Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Awhile back another young artist emailed me. She was newly in NYC and trying to make it happen, she asked me how I did it? How I managed to survive, make my work, have a kiddo do all that is done. Normally I love when people write me and am prompt in responding but this one it made me want to avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid. I thought to myself if only she knew... if only she knew?
I am someone who always wants to inspire others, make them believe in themselves, their art, their path. So I just could not respond. How could I? I felt like nothing was happening and felt stuck, frustrated, alone- and she was asking me for advice? (I sort of still feel that way.)
We all are just trying we all are just attempting to live this life with our hearts. In truth the last year has been the absolute worst of my life, even though my work has been doing great. It is such a struggle right now to make my work, write on this blog, apply for one more freaking job that I almost get but don't. But the way I make it happen is I show up. Even though the last thing I want to do sometimes is pick up my work I know that in those moments it is often the best thing that I can do. Make, create, share. This is who I am, this is what I do- and I am luckier then most because I know that.
I wish I had more energy and time to be here on these pages. I wish I had more time alone in my studio- but that is just not what life is giving me right now. And I was very lucky life gave me a lot of that over the last 5 years.
Sometimes, I get confused about the role of this blog. It started initially as a very diaristic experiment, then it became almost like a research project, then a way to help my career and build community and then I just did not know. I was writing and sharing about artists but was unsure as to why.
But now I remember the point of this blog- i has always been for me as a place to share, a place to have a voice, a place to celebrate the shit, the mess and the beauty of making art and life.
So maybe right now I am being a little bit less of a critical/intellectual voice. Finding less art to write about. But in truth I just don't want to look at art right now. I want to read about it, write about it, think about it. But not search for it. I want it to come find me. That is what I must do.
I hope you will all still come and say hello, stay awhile, share, and comment. But if the point of this blog is to be honest. Well honestly this is what I wanted to say today.
Posted by Joetta M. at 10:03 AM