Monday, July 14, 2014

under water

I am feeling so lost in my practice lately, my schedule has been so hectic, my life so full and as a result at certain points my energy so low that I feel like I am lost in the water (but with no panic.)  You know what I mean... Its like I am slowly swimming, the sounds of the world are muted, the waves are above me, I am ok but I am totally without a sense of which way to go.

It is a strange place that I have never been. Usually I am either creating and just wanting more time or feeling dormant and frustrated with that. I do not necessarily feel dormant but also not overly ambitious.  Progress is being made just achingly slow. I really want to show my work but have no energy or ability to get applications done.  I want to write about are but really have no ideas--- and I actually do not want to write I want to talk.

I am so ungrounded here. I am still shooting a lot but have no access to print which is beyond frustrating.  I have lots of teaching lined up but still have not found my true home as a teacher.  I want to really become established in the community here but then think I should stay focused on NYC  and internationally but then I wonder why any of it matters.

And then when I have a little time and energy I stitch. Something, anything.
In reality I have had a wonderful summer so far a summer full of friends, meeting new friends, going outside, catching up with my son since I missed him all spring, going to concerts, and reading some wonderfully inspiring stuff.  But not making art and having this follow a spring full of teaching and not making art is a little scary.

But I guess eventually something will catch my eye in the water and I will swim over that way and a new cycle will begin.

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