Monday, August 26, 2013

share, words

I feel like psychologically I am in a strange place. All artists and all people must visit these places during life--- but it is uncomfortable.

I am happier in some ways then I have been in years but scared and confused by that very happiness- mainly of letting my "art career" be neglected. While in NY I was so focused on my art it flourished but my relationships, my finances and the rest of my soul suffered. If I wanted to  live in a vacuum of my art that would have been ok. But I do not.

So now I am able to financially be self-sufficient- which is a huge confidence builder and empowering experience- but it leaves so much less time and energy for my studio life. Simultaneously because of moving my community of artist friends has shrunken to a paltry size (at least ones that I can see and hear in real life and real time.) This makes me want to spend the time I do have to create community and dialogue -something I fall more and more in love with doing as the days and experiences go buy.

As I get older, continue to be mama and all that stuff- I wonder what the purpose of being so insulated and isolated in the studio is?  I feel the urge to find a way to make my art more about the very community and dialogue that I yearn for.  Also starting to feel the urge to find a studio outside of the home if I can find a way to afford it.

But then I wonder where does sewing fit into all of that? Does it? As an artist who is pretty conceptually driven at all times and who always starts with an autobiographical seed-as my life changes my work changes and it is all in such flux now.

In NY maybe because it is so large and at times overwhelming it made sense and was easy to make work about my little insulated world of the domestic but now in a community that needs to feel more of a sense of community, in my opinion, it feels selfish and unimportant to focus on my small world.

so many rambling thoughts, so many questions.  Such a deep desire to make and share but such uncertainty of what it is I want to share.


Anonymous said...

Your 'confessions' are always touching. Last night I was reading a book about the artist Hundertwasser and these words made me think of you:
" Is compromise possible in art? Of course, all the time. Every piece of art is a compromise between what is feasible and what is wanted. The aim to achieve is never reached in art but it is more or less close to what the artist wanted to do. I think i have a solution: just let things happen. I let things happen, and it is so astounding that I astound myself. I always say a painting is good when the artist is surprised by his own painting. a house is good when the architect is surprised by the reality of his own house, as though a dream of his had become real."
Hope your dreams become real.

Jane said...

I have no wise words to offer, as I am almost in my 56 year and still have thoughts like those you wrote about here. I just wanted to respond.

Joetta M. said...

thank you so both of you.
hanna- the quote is so perfect and indeed I am finally there, I think...
let thing happen and hope they arrive somewhere:)