It was simply that as I was preparing these new drawings and looking through my images I realized that my process of working from and documenting aspects of being a parent are so specific to parenting a boy. Not because me or my husband push this agenda but simply because it is. This is both interesting and enlightening to me.
I am really wanting to push this seed of a project and body of work into something big. I am considering applying for a research based grant that if gotten would allow me to really dive into the subject matter of motherhood, gender, and societal expectations of these things. It is a very competitive grant so I am unsure if I will apply this year of wait until I have developed it more as you cannot reapply with the same project.
I have been reading an incredible compilation of writings that I have mentioned before, Mother Reader, and it is simply very inspiring and validating to me. The writings are so well curated, all fascinating and all about motherhood. It always has driven me totally crazy how neglected this subject is in the arts and finding this source really is giving me courage to go with it as subject and go deep. I really do not know where it is headed but it feels like a project I am embarking on like when I embarked on my thesis project in Graduate School. You start with a seed, you start the work, you dive into the research, the writing, the deeper understanding, the discussing and then you create something wonderful. I feel that way now.
I have been doing the work I started in graduate school for about 8 years and I have produced a body of work I am so proud of but I feel the need to conceptualize something new and introduce more mediums back into my work and this project seems the way I am going. I feel excited. I feel hopeful. I feel totally overwhelmed.