envy of staring time.

I have been having residency envy as of late. A good friend of mine is at one of the ultimate residency programs right now and I am just now coming up on the year marker of not being in my studio full-time and well, I am jealous. I can admit it. But I also know how privileged I was to be in the studio full time for 6 plus years in the first place.

I so long for a big chunk of time outside of my own space, my trap of mental space, and normal life to look at my work. I am brimming with ideas but because of the shortness of time that I have in my studio I feel a definite -almost confusion with the work.

I can always slowly chip away at the making but I feel like the meaning and direction it needs to go comes from blankly staring at the work on the wall or in the hoop for hours and then aha you understand it so much more----and right now I don't get those hours to just stare.  Or taking it down and hanging it back up over and over again, ya know?

Having a child almost makes residencies impossible and a job makes it even more difficult. But I also look at my artist friends who are older - their children are grown and they are now getting to fill their life after child rearing and retirement making art at residencies so I know there is plenty of time to stare at the wall for hours in my lifetime as an artist. I just wish I could get some of that time right now.